7 lessons learned from dating

I have now been single for about seven years and 2.5 relationships before that. I feel like I have learned a few things but never took the time to actively remember those learnings. Now it’s time I do that!

Lesson 1: you may lose a best friend

In high school into college, I was dating a girl I met through a philosophy, church-like group (Swadhyay). I thought we had a great relationship! We really liked each other and pretty much never had any fights. We became the best of friends. I could’ve definitely seen my self being with this girl forever. Either way, for certain reasons that I will keep private, we ended our relationship. To this day, I miss having her friendship in my life. It sucks that we’re just cordial and not close friends. The exciting opportunity to find the one, led to losing a best friend. :(

Lesson 2: avoid “diving in the deep end”

When I was 27 years old, I met this cool girl at the wedding. For the sake of this post, let’s call her Lalita. Lalita was close friends with the bride who I was also really close friends with. Lalita, similar to myself, was a very nomadic traveler which we bonded over. At the wedding, we exchanged numbers and continued the conversation over text and phone call for the following weeks. During that time, I was also involved in a car accident where I got hit by a car and almost died. It was fun having Liya to talk to during this time. She gave me a reason to recover quicker.

About two months after we met, I was visiting New York City where she lived. We discussed meeting up but she ended up coming up with a number of excuses and never met up. I was quite shocked, because it seemed to me that we were getting along pretty well. Not only did she not meet up but she completely ghosted me for a few weeks where she never responded to any messages or phone calls.

I later found out that she decided that she did not want to meet up because she thought I was too into the relationship beyond what she wanted. She was pretty accurate. I was pretty down to date this girl where as she still wanted to build a friendship. Lesson learned: don’t go all in too quickly or rather “don’t dive into the deep end.”

Lesson 3: shoot your shot…while you can

This one girl I knew for a handful of years, let’s call her Anita, came up to me under the influence at a wedding and expressed, “man, I wonder if I met you when I was single…things would be different.” At the least, I was flattered to hear this comment but it didn’t really matter! A lesson was quickly learned: take your shot…while you can.

Anita was at my brother’s wedding as well as a mutual friends’ wedding a few weeks thereafter, which is where we reconnected and enjoyed each others company. I also believe I attracted her because I wasn’t desperately craving her attention. I naturally enjoyed hanging and dancing with her. If only I could be equally nonchalant with girls I’m trying to interest! If only…

Lesson 4: focus on being friends first

This lesson was learned through heartbreak! Let’s call this girl Ishaani. Ishaani and I first met in high school through Swadhyay, that organization I referenced in lesson 1. We remained casual friends for years. Then in college, when we both were interning in Chicago, we really formed a tight bond. We started taking almost everyday and tried to spend time together as much as we could. Throughout this time, I had no romantic intentions. However, after months of this tight relationship, I formed a strong infatuation for Ishaani. I couldn’t get her out of my head. At the tim, she was dating another guy. After about a year, they broke up and we started talking. It was great. Lesson learned: build a strong friendship first! The relationship eventually fell through for various reasons but we remain close friends.

Lesson 5: stay healthy

In this situation, I lost a great opportunity because of my health. Let’s call this girl Reema. Reema is one of my close friends little sister. Growing up she was always just that — my friends little sister. After many years of having a plutonic relationship we went on what I thought was a first date. It went pretty well in my opinion. We eventually went on a second date as well where I kind of fucked up the plans but it still kind of worked out. Soon after the second date I got unhealthy with mental health issues and she quickly went on to meet her now husband. Lesson learned: stay freaking healthy! I believe if I didn’t fall into my mental health issues, we would have likely dated. We did luckily remain friends and she invited me to her wedding. On the contrary, what if I stayed healthy? Who knows!

Lesson 6: don’t bring ranch

When a girl tells you she’s lactose intolerant, do not bring ranch as a side dressing! I did that once and the girl was pissed. Lesson learned. Also, I might add this girl was miserable. I made food for her and brought ranch on the side! Yes, on the side. And after she decided she wasn’t going to eat the food I made for her. She got pissed I brought ranch after she mentioned she was lactose intolerant. What a gal!

Lesson 7: focus on thy self

I recently spoke to my friend, let’s call him Harsh, and he recently got into a relationship after many years of being single. His main advice based on his own regret was that he didn’t focus enough time on growing himself — for example, focusing on exercising and dieting, building new skills, strengthening relationships, etc. Lesson here: focus on thy self!

The future

Over the years, I’ve leaned a few things. I plan to use these lessons learned to shape my future and meet someone great!