Documenting frustrations led to a happier me

A few weeks ago my life coach (yeah, I have a life coach) mentioned that it would be valuable for my emotional health to document everything that frustrated me. I started to follow her suggestion immediately. After a short few weeks, happy me turned into the happiest me. It has been amazing. Try to make me mad. Good luck! ;)

One of the first items I wrote was the following (using an alias name):

It frustrated me when [Betsy] told me what I should wear to my nephew’s funeral as if I was a child and I would wear my soccer gear to a funeral.

I later realized it was my fault for getting frustrated. Why did I feel insulted? Why could I not recognize that at least [Betsy] cared about how I represented myself? It was up to me to determine my emotions during the given situation. I had the option to recognize the positive items versus feeling insulted. I could have also thought about why the advice was given to me. There is a chance that I dressed poorly at an event in the past, which triggered the advice.

Another frustration I documented was related to advice as well:

It was frustrating when [Dennis] was telling me how investing in a loan like financial instrument would be a good way to spend 80% of my financial savings.

It made no sense to me. At the time, I recently overcame some near death health situations that put me out of work for 19 of 24 months. Why the hell would I provide a loan that would make my money less liquid (when money is less liquid it is less accessible). I was thinking it would make a lot more sense to keep my money in savings in case I had any more health scares. Or I could invest in myself as I did in the past which resulted in starting a successful company that was acquired. It was quite frustrating to get what I thought was really bad advice and for [Dennis] to constantly try to convince me of this investment.

Later I thought of how I could have avoided that frustration. I could have taken the time to understand why Dennis made this recommendation.

Try to understand versus being understood

I could have also thought about what poor investments Dennis thought I made in the past that triggered his advice. At the end of the day, it was completely up to me to get frustrated at Dennis. It is always my choice to get frustrated, mine alone.

I have never been misunderstood. I misrepresented myself.

After a couple weeks of getting frustrated with what other people did, I only got frustrated with my self:

I am frustrated that I relied on someone to have a good day. The friend was to meet me up for brunch on Saturday and he/she cancelled due to a hangover. I could have been prepared with alternate plans and been aware that things can come up.

I also took frustrations as a way to improve myself:

It was frustrating when [Nancy] was too busy to meet up for a moment when we were both conveniently in the same city for a few days. [Nancy] mentioned it was because she was going to make $X that day and was busy with that client.

Two lessons were learned for the future: (1) try not to ever be too busy for someone that wants to see me and (2) try not to say financial numbers (or any comparable numbers) and stick to relative terms. For example, saying, “I had a client paying me more that they have in the past” or “I only exercised for a short amount of time” is better than saying particular numbers that could cause a inferiority superiority complex.

The lesson? I am responsible for my frustrations, no one else.

How do you deal with frustrations? How do you ensure you are always emotionally stable? Have you tried documenting your frustrations? Let me know! Comment below or reach me directly (630–551–8482, shahshaan@gmail.com).