How to be a better human — learnings from the Evercoach Summit
My interest in growing as a speaker and author led me to attend the 2017 Evercoach Summit. I’m happy I went. I left a better person.
I left with learnings that will not only help me as a speaker and author, but also with life — focus, communication, relationships, listening.
Learnings from all the awesome people I met:
Immerse yourself
One of the speakers, the hilarious Jason Goldberg, emphasized the value of immersion as a way to mastery. And he shared the quote “to others, immersion may seem like magic.”
His thoughts on immersion made me think about how I want to immerse myself into growing as a speaker and author. I want to focus on taking actions that directly relate to this goal: writing blog posts every week, gaining perspective from conversations, meeting and learning from people I meet every day like the doorman and a homeless person. And I want to avoid exhausting myself by focusing on things that do not directly relate to my goals (e.g. startup consulting, looking for jobs, and growing my non-profit).
Share a story
Another speaker, Lisa Nichols (see her Instagram), shared awesome insight on how to become a more effective speaker or communicator. She emphasized the value of not simply telling a story, but rather sharing a story — allowing a listener feel as if they are in a movie.
I thought about when I begin to share a story, I want the listener to feel like they are in some James Bond movie — the screen reads “Norway 1973" as the camera pans over a city skyline. As I go through a story, I also want to explain the environment and the emotions I am feeling; “after getting hit by a car last June and spending 8 days in the intensive care unit (ICU), I finally started getting my memory back. I remember waking up in a hospital bed at the rehab center. I was sitting up with my legs straight out in front of me. To my left was a wheelchair I was to use because of my brain damage. It’s a fair assumption to think that I felt really shitty or emotionally down about the circumstances. Oddly, I actually felt great! I wasn’t in clinical depression anymore! For the 5 months prior to the accident, I was facing a clinical depression and in that very moment, I knew with confidence that I no longer was. Dealing with a concussion and broken shoulder — that seemed so simple compared to my depression.”
It will be so valuable to start sharing stories in this manner and captivate a listener during both speaking engagements as well as everyday conversations.
Listen, just fffking listen
It was awesome learning about listening — something you’d think we’d already be good at — and building relationships.
With building a relationship, Guy and Praveen (the Circle Institute guys) emphasized that in a conversation, it helps to recognize and share the emotional impact the other person is having on you. For example, if someone talked to me about how they went on a walk along the beach, I may get a relaxing, calming feeling. And after recognizing the impact, to share that impact: “man, being with you and imagining you take a walk on the beach is making me feel so relaxed.” Later that day, I tried to share how I was feeling during a conversation…it works! Definitely felt closer immediately.
Another individual, Michael Neill, an internationally renowned success coach (see his new book on overcoming challenges) asked us in the audience if we have been taught that when listening, we should follow up with what we understand or with relevant questions. He expressed a contrary thought:
Just fucking listen. Don’t think about what questions to ask or how you can best show you understand…just fffking listen! –Michael Neill
His insight was nice and simple. When I am talking to someone…I’m going to just fffking listen.
A three month plan
The lead organizer of the conference, Ajit, mentioned the 3 month plan — a concept he wrote about in his book, The Book of Coaching. He explained that we should imagine where we want to be in 3 months and work backwards from there.
I started to do that. I started to imagine myself in three months and backtrack. By Christmas time, I want to release the first version of my book and have gone to over 10 speaking engagements. To do that, I want to finish a chapter for my book each week — starting this week! I also want to make a daily effort to find new speaking engagements versus just settling for the three that I have lined up.
Do what’s best for you
Neeta, a best selling author and international speaker, shared a story about how writing a book wasn’t a good fit for one of her coaching clients — doing a YouTube show was a better fit.
This concept was valuable because it gave me confidence to write my unique “Google Doc book.” I want my book to be a super short e-book that includes various links to YouTube videos, podcasts, books, mini chapters, and blog posts versus a standalone hard-cover book. I want the reader to have the opportunity to branch off to different topics of interest over various mediums, while not forcing the reader to go through hundreds of pages. See book summary here: Livin’ the good life.
It’s important to create something using our full creativity and share it in a way that is meaningful to us instead of simply copying what others have done.
Love as the intention
In a conversation at the after party, a woman, Jordan (you guessed it — a coach and speaker) shared how she “sets the intention of love” before every coaching session. She was talking about how numerous people have uncontrollably expressed their loving emotions for her (e.g. falling into her, hugging her, and kissing her cheeks without even thinking).
I definitely want to set my intention before engaging with anyone. I can think about how amazing the person is and how much I care for them before the interaction. I imagine that hanging out with that person will then be a more positive experience.
Be present
Rich Litvin, the dude with a nice suit and a pleasant English accent, went on stage and had the audience take a few deep breaths. He prefaced this with encouragement to focus on the now and being present. We all took those deep breaths and the entire room was silent and in complete peace. It was amazing. Really amazing.
I want to do that exercise of taking a few deep breaths or something similar a lot more often so that I am present. For example, before eating, deep breaths. I want to get myself to think about what I’m eating and the people I am eating with — nothing else. I do not want to think about what went wrong earlier that day or what I am going to do later. I want to focus on the present.
Be free and let loose
One of the mornings, we all had a yoga session called “amplified yoga” which included freely moving to music. I was standing behind my friend Dawn. Watching her move around so candidly was freaking cool. I started to move and sway more freely as well and man, it felt great. I want to remember that feeling of how good it feels to “do me” without concern of judgment.
Do you
This dude, a speaker and soccer player, spoke about how depression and a car accident taught him to make his health a priority above all else. He did this while dressed in a Adidas jacket, shorts, and long socks. It was cool and inspiring to see him wear what he loved instead of what was expected. That dude was me. I am proud that for the first time ever I spoke in front of an audience in my athletic clothes. I also proudly landed a new nickname: “Adidas.”
It’s fun to learn about becoming a better speaker, coach, and author because it pushes me to be a better human, a better version of me.
Thanks Evercoach for putting together an awesome weekend.
